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A first look at the text for page 1 of ES:FEZ


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#1 van

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Posted 23 November 2006 - 08:27 PM

Here's an early look at the text for page 1 of Endless Spirit: Final Evolution Z.

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PANEL One

A hand holding a Driver's Licence. Alex's licence.

PANEL Two

Zoom out to discover the hand belongs to a Police Officer, and he's standing at the driver's side door of Alex's car, licence in hand, looking down at Alex. Alex has a nervous and pleasant and helpful look. Alex is driving an old Corolla AE85.

Police Officer: Says here your licence is restricted.
Alex: The little "R" under "Conditions"? That's for my motorbike. I'm off my Learners permit but not yet fully licenced. So I'm "Restricted" until then.

PANEL Three

Still zoomed out, we see the officer gesturing toward the car.

Police Officer: Right. Where are you headed now? Is this one of them ?drifting? cars I heard about? Instant D?
Alex: Insta... You mean Initial D? There's one of these cars in that show, yes. But we're not out drifting if that's what you're asking. These cars are rubbish in reality.

PANEL Four

Police Officer: (looking off into the distance, almost dazed) Heck if I know why it's called ?drifting? anyway... Throwing a car around a corner is hardly what I'd call drifting.
Alex: Yeah... Can we go now?
Police Officer: Eh? Oh right. Yeah go on. But no racing, right?

PANEL Five

Now we see Shane, Alex's friend and passenger, through Alex's window.

Shane: With a big strapping lad like me in the passenger seat? Nah mate, with him being such a scrawny bastard, it'd throw the power to weight ratio out the window!
Alex: (mumbling) Why, why are you speaking...?

PANEL Six

Police Officer bends down to see Shane, whom he hadn't noticed until now. We can see all three faces in this shot.

Police Officer: Ha ha ha, righto then! Off you go.

The next page will be one full-page frame of the officer getting back into his car, and Alex and Shane driving off into the distance. The Endless Spirit: Final Evolution Z logo will be at the top, with an introductory paragraph and a thank you to the various folks who've helped so far. It'll probably have a couple of voice balloons above the car with Shane asking "What would you have said if he asked again where we're going?" and Alex replying "I'd have told him we're goin' to pick up the Devil Z."

#2 zedevan

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Posted 23 November 2006 - 11:01 PM

who owns the zed? shane or alex? his comment reminds me of this pic

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#3 van

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Posted 24 November 2006 - 08:23 AM

Hahah, that pic was the inspiration.

Alex owns the Z. :)

#4 Toecutter

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Posted 24 November 2006 - 08:26 PM

Cool starting story line.

Police Officer: Right. Where are you headed now? Is this one of them ?drifting? cars I heard about? Instant D?
Alex: Insta... You mean Initial D? There's one of these cars in that show, yes. But we're not out drifting if that's what you're asking. These cars are rubbish in reality.


I dropped in to quite a few comic/animation shops in KL this week and was amazedat how much of that Initial D series was stocked on shelves!

#5 van

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Posted 24 November 2006 - 09:21 PM

Haha yeah it's pretty damn popular!

Okay! The following is - as yet - unscripted. I'm trying to build the story first, and then I'll break it down into script form.

I'll be adding in bits and pieces to fill it out a little more, but for the most part, this is the story for all of issue 1. What's below the hashed line follows on from the scripted page above. Feedback would be greatly appreciated! Let me know where I'm going wrong, in your opinion. I won't be offended. I want this to be as good as it can be, so I need to know what you think. :)

--------------------

Alex and Shane are waiting at the lights, when a dude in a MkIII Supra pulls up beside them. He guns his motor, to entice them into a drag. Alex says ?not right now, but if you're here when I come back through, I'll go you then?. The dude makes a face and then screams off down the road.

Alex and Shane arrive at the docks, where they're expecting to find Alex's S30Z which he has imported. Just as they walk through the gates, the S30Z is being rolled out of a shipping container.

Frame zooms in on the Z, which we can see through the gap between Alex and Shane. We can see the lower arms and upper legs of Alex and Shane, but they're not the focus. The focus is the Z.

Alex signs all the relevant paperwork and collects his car from the front of the office, where it's been parked to wait for him. Shane accompanies. They look it over, checking under the hood, under the body, in the boot, the whole lot. Alex gets in, and Shane runs around to the other side to get in as well. Alex puts the key in the ignition and starts it. It roars to life. The L28t sounds amazing, and they both say so.

They leave the docks, Shane in the Corolla and Alex in the Z. As they pull up to some lights, they laugh about having a drag, and the fact that the Z would leave Shane way behind. Suddenly, the MkIII Supra from earlier pulls up on the other side of Alex, and suddenly the idea of a drag isn't so funny anymore. Alex has faith in the Z, even though it's the first time he's driven it. But can he beat this Supra? Suddenly the light changes, and they're off, engines blaring and turbos chirping.

The Z not only wins, but it blows the Supra away. Alex is amazed. Pissed off, the Supra driver doesn't bother to join him at the next set of lights, and takes a right turn to avoid seeing Alex again. Moments late, Shane finally pulls up beside Alex, and is almost ghostly pale. He mentions what he swears was a red glow around the Z as it stormed down the road, and says ? almost frightened - ?dude... that seriously is the Demon Z?. Alex has a blank expression, unsure of what the hell just happened.

#6 sco_aus

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Posted 25 November 2006 - 12:06 PM

I got chills at that end bit just thinkin about it. I might go for a drive now.

#7 van

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Posted 25 November 2006 - 01:28 PM

Excellent! That's just the feeling I wanted :D




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